Chapter 10 - What You Really, Really Want
by CameoLover93
W R I T T E N BY C A M E O L O V E R 93
10. WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT
Later That Day...
Aiden's body was burning up.
The heat stirred him awake up from the drunken stupor that he fell into earlier after binge drinking close to half a bottle of whiskey. It didn't take long for him to become filled with regret for everything that he'd done and said to Julian, thanks to his memory remaining intact.
After opening his tired green eyes, he noticed three things: through the open window shade in his room he could see that it was now dark outside. Another thing that he took notice of was his painful erection. But despite all that, what really took him off guard was the way that his body was entangled with Julian's as the two of them lay on top of his bed.
They were huddled together so closely that their bodies produced an uncomfortable heat.
"Holy shit!" Aiden whispered in a frantic tone, his pulse accelerating.
He was immediately thrown into a panic after having thoroughly processed just what in the hell was going on here; however, momentarily, he was too stunned to move out of the spooning position that he was in as he held Julian from behind while short, vivid, flashes of the two of them messing around from earlier began to flood his mind.
Aiden remembered taking one too many shots with Julian in his bar. He also remembered how he openly and shamelessly flirted with his handsome bodyguard. And furthermore, he also remembered how he had been driven by an intense and unexplainable urge that made him bolder than what he normally is and it drove him to practically attack Julian's mouth; kissing him passionately, tongue and all.
Aiden also remembered how Julian, albeit a little timidly, kissed him back.
Could it mean that Julian wanted him as much as he hoped?
Aiden had so much on his mind that he could barely think straight, but there was one thing that he couldn't ignore or deny about the kiss that he shared with Julian and it was that he actually enjoyed it. Julian McAndrew was the first and only man that Aiden had ever gone after and the incredibly hot, totally unanticipated kiss that they shared up against his bedroom door was one that managed to take his breath away.
"Oh God!" Aiden was racked with fear as he separated from Julian. He jumped up from the bed to run into his bathroom. He quietly shut the door behind him and hopped into the shower, still in his pajamas, and turned on the water as if he was on fire and needed to be extinguished.
Shit! Fuck! Aiden dropped to the shower floor, cold water pouring down on him as he began to cradle his head in his hands, rocking back and forth. What have I done?
Whether or not he was having a psychotic break or just a regular panic attack, Aiden genuinely felt like he was beginning to lose his mind. And once again for the third time in his life, he felt as if the walls were starting to close in on him.
Though, this time, they were moving even faster than what they'd done before in the past.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can't go back out there. I can't face him, not after what I did...
Aiden was starting to shiver thanks to the cold water, so he stood and switched it on warm and then pulled off his soaked pajamas. He wished that he could stay in here forever because the thought of having to walk back into his bedroom and see Julian left him with an overwhelming feeling for which he simply couldn't handle right now.
"Goddamn it, my clothes!" Aiden grumbled about ten minutes later when he exited the shower, now not having anything to wear.
He'd been in such a rush to get away from Julian, for whatever reason, that he foolishly jumped in the shower with his pajama pants still on. Now muttering a bunch of expletives, he snatched a thick white towel from the towel rack and dried himself off. He wrapped it tightly around his waist and took a deep breath in and exhaled before opening the bathroom door.
Oh, fuck... When Aiden stepped into his bedroom his eyes immediately landed on Julian, who was now wide awake and sitting on the edge of the bed, scowling hard at Aiden.
"I hadn't intended on falling asleep in here," Julian said. "I only stayed because I was afraid that you might wake up half asleep in need of vomiting thanks to all the alcohol you downed earlier. And being that you were practically immobile, I didn't want you to wind up choking on your own puke."
"I-I'm not gay," Aiden blurted out like a stammering idiot, having completely ignored everything that Julian had just said. "I'm not gay. I-I like women... only women."
"Jesus Christ ." Julian rolled his eyes after he got up from the bed to march towards the door of the room, practically radiating with anger. "I know that, Grayson."
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I did!" Aiden exclaimed, looking and sounding flustered. "I was stupid and the whole thing was unprofessional as hell. I drank way too much and I know that I shouldn't have come onto you like that. I really don't even know why I ki..."
Aiden's words drifted away as he and Julian stared each other down. He just couldn't seem to bring himself to say the words out loud even though he knew that he was the one that made the first move. He knew that he was the one who initiated the kiss – not Julian. So why couldn't he admit with his own mouth, using his own words, that he wanted to kiss his bodyguard?
"It won't happen again," Aiden said.
"Good to hear," Julian murmured in a low tone, placing a hand on the doorknob, getting ready to leave the room. "Have a good rest of your night, I guess."
What the fuck is up with this guy? I just apologized... Those were the thoughts that crossed Aiden's mind when he was finally able to move away from the spot that he'd been standing in as he built up the willpower to walk over to Julian just as he was about to open the door and leave.
"Hey, what's your problem?" Aiden said. "Why are you so peeved? Is my apology not good enough for you or something?"
It was then that Julian could take no more of Aiden's bullshit.
"What's my problem?" Julian was red in the face and felt like he wanted to burst into a million pieces when he spun around to drill into Aiden. "I know that you're probably going through a hard time right now with your feelings and what not because I take it from your reaction earlier that I'm the first man you've ever kissed. And by the way, I'm not even mad about that. What I'm peeved about is
you ! After I thoughtlessly returned your stupid kiss against my better judgment, and after I fell asleep in your arms by accident , I can't help but be a little offended to wake up and see you jumping out of bed to run into the bathroom to take a fucking shower like you were covered in shit."
Julian was beyond furious as he glowered at a now pale Aiden. He honestly couldn't even remember the last time when he was this pissed off.
"So what's your issue with me, Grayson?" Julian asked. "Do you feel
dirty now that you've kissed a man? Are you afraid that you'll catch what I have? Because news flash, Grayson, you can't catch homosexuality! It's not a fucking sickness!"
"It wasn't even like that! I-I didn't mean to offend you when I... Damn it , I was just really nervous, alright!? I didn't know what the fuck to do when I woke up to find my arms wrapped around you. I panicked! Honestly, I'm still a little bit confused about everything that's happened, so can you really stand here and bitch at me for waking up and freaking out? How about you try to put yourself in my fucking shoes before jumping down my throat and assuming the wrong things," Aiden spoke from the heart while his emotions got the best of him.
"I told you before that I'm not a bigot and I'll apologize, once again, if I offended you by doing what I did but I just needed to get away from you so that I could clear my head," Aiden went on. "I couldn't exactly think straight while I was... spooning you. And if you really must know, I didn't actually take a fucking shower. I just stood there thinking about everything that I...that we ...did."
After hearing where Aiden was coming from, Julian suddenly felt like a complete asshole for having snapped at him.
"Sorry for my crazy outburst," Julian whispered, embarrassed. "I'm willing to forget about everything that happened if you are. I mean, if that's what you really want."
If that's what you really want...
Julian's words rung loudly in Aiden's mind; so loud, in fact, that he actually had to take a minute to think about it and even ask himself if this was what he really wanted. Did he really want to forget about everything that had happened between him and Julian, in spite of how good it all felt?
Did he really want to move on from today as if none of it - the flirting, the kiss, the spooning - had ever occurred?
"I'm not sure what it is that you want me to say," Aiden replied in a soft tone while staring into Julian's dazzling brown eyes. His mouth was dry and his hands were trembling due to his adrenaline. "This is all so new to me, so different. I mean, I've never been with another...I've never
kissed a..." Aiden sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I just can't think about this right now. I'm not-"
"I understand," Julian cut him off with a forced smile. He felt almost as uncomfortable as Aiden looked. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I get it."
Julian was telling the truth. He did get it, for the most part. He knew that this had to be a lot for Aiden to deal with, emotionally. After all, he just kissed another man when his whole life he'd only found himself attracted to women...until now, apparently. So understandably so, their kiss had flipped Aiden's entire world upside down and it made perfect sense for Aiden to be in total shock right now.
Besides, Julian should have known better.
He shouldn't have returned Aiden's kiss. He should have been smarter. He should have had better control over himself, but instead, he acted out recklessly. And now, in their own little way, both men had to deal with the mistakes that they've made tonight.
"I'll go and look into finding you a good private investigator," Julian spoke in a flat tone, an impassive look on his face. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs."
"Thanks," Aiden replied, but not fast enough because Julian hadn't heard him due to him already being halfway down the hallway. He walked off with such speed that within just a few seconds, he was completely out of Aiden's sight.
Fucking hell, Aiden thought. How are we going to get past this bullshit?
a/n: poor Aiden doesn't know what he wants anymore lol
your thoughts? what do you think should have happened?
by CameoLover93
W R I T T E N BY C A M E O L O V E R 93
10. WHAT YOU REALLY, REALLY WANT
Later That Day...
Aiden's body was burning up.
The heat stirred him awake up from the drunken stupor that he fell into earlier after binge drinking close to half a bottle of whiskey. It didn't take long for him to become filled with regret for everything that he'd done and said to Julian, thanks to his memory remaining intact.
After opening his tired green eyes, he noticed three things: through the open window shade in his room he could see that it was now dark outside. Another thing that he took notice of was his painful erection. But despite all that, what really took him off guard was the way that his body was entangled with Julian's as the two of them lay on top of his bed.
They were huddled together so closely that their bodies produced an uncomfortable heat.
"Holy shit!" Aiden whispered in a frantic tone, his pulse accelerating.
He was immediately thrown into a panic after having thoroughly processed just what in the hell was going on here; however, momentarily, he was too stunned to move out of the spooning position that he was in as he held Julian from behind while short, vivid, flashes of the two of them messing around from earlier began to flood his mind.
Aiden remembered taking one too many shots with Julian in his bar. He also remembered how he openly and shamelessly flirted with his handsome bodyguard. And furthermore, he also remembered how he had been driven by an intense and unexplainable urge that made him bolder than what he normally is and it drove him to practically attack Julian's mouth; kissing him passionately, tongue and all.
Aiden also remembered how Julian, albeit a little timidly, kissed him back.
Could it mean that Julian wanted him as much as he hoped?
Aiden had so much on his mind that he could barely think straight, but there was one thing that he couldn't ignore or deny about the kiss that he shared with Julian and it was that he actually enjoyed it. Julian McAndrew was the first and only man that Aiden had ever gone after and the incredibly hot, totally unanticipated kiss that they shared up against his bedroom door was one that managed to take his breath away.
"Oh God!" Aiden was racked with fear as he separated from Julian. He jumped up from the bed to run into his bathroom. He quietly shut the door behind him and hopped into the shower, still in his pajamas, and turned on the water as if he was on fire and needed to be extinguished.
Shit! Fuck! Aiden dropped to the shower floor, cold water pouring down on him as he began to cradle his head in his hands, rocking back and forth. What have I done?
Whether or not he was having a psychotic break or just a regular panic attack, Aiden genuinely felt like he was beginning to lose his mind. And once again for the third time in his life, he felt as if the walls were starting to close in on him.
Though, this time, they were moving even faster than what they'd done before in the past.
What the hell am I supposed to do now? I can't go back out there. I can't face him, not after what I did...
Aiden was starting to shiver thanks to the cold water, so he stood and switched it on warm and then pulled off his soaked pajamas. He wished that he could stay in here forever because the thought of having to walk back into his bedroom and see Julian left him with an overwhelming feeling for which he simply couldn't handle right now.
"Goddamn it, my clothes!" Aiden grumbled about ten minutes later when he exited the shower, now not having anything to wear.
He'd been in such a rush to get away from Julian, for whatever reason, that he foolishly jumped in the shower with his pajama pants still on. Now muttering a bunch of expletives, he snatched a thick white towel from the towel rack and dried himself off. He wrapped it tightly around his waist and took a deep breath in and exhaled before opening the bathroom door.
Oh, fuck... When Aiden stepped into his bedroom his eyes immediately landed on Julian, who was now wide awake and sitting on the edge of the bed, scowling hard at Aiden.
"I hadn't intended on falling asleep in here," Julian said. "I only stayed because I was afraid that you might wake up half asleep in need of vomiting thanks to all the alcohol you downed earlier. And being that you were practically immobile, I didn't want you to wind up choking on your own puke."
"I-I'm not gay," Aiden blurted out like a stammering idiot, having completely ignored everything that Julian had just said. "I'm not gay. I-I like women... only women."
"Jesus Christ ." Julian rolled his eyes after he got up from the bed to march towards the door of the room, practically radiating with anger. "I know that, Grayson."
"For what it's worth, I'm sorry for what I did!" Aiden exclaimed, looking and sounding flustered. "I was stupid and the whole thing was unprofessional as hell. I drank way too much and I know that I shouldn't have come onto you like that. I really don't even know why I ki..."
Aiden's words drifted away as he and Julian stared each other down. He just couldn't seem to bring himself to say the words out loud even though he knew that he was the one that made the first move. He knew that he was the one who initiated the kiss – not Julian. So why couldn't he admit with his own mouth, using his own words, that he wanted to kiss his bodyguard?
"It won't happen again," Aiden said.
"Good to hear," Julian murmured in a low tone, placing a hand on the doorknob, getting ready to leave the room. "Have a good rest of your night, I guess."
What the fuck is up with this guy? I just apologized... Those were the thoughts that crossed Aiden's mind when he was finally able to move away from the spot that he'd been standing in as he built up the willpower to walk over to Julian just as he was about to open the door and leave.
"Hey, what's your problem?" Aiden said. "Why are you so peeved? Is my apology not good enough for you or something?"
It was then that Julian could take no more of Aiden's bullshit.
"What's my problem?" Julian was red in the face and felt like he wanted to burst into a million pieces when he spun around to drill into Aiden. "I know that you're probably going through a hard time right now with your feelings and what not because I take it from your reaction earlier that I'm the first man you've ever kissed. And by the way, I'm not even mad about that. What I'm peeved about is
you ! After I thoughtlessly returned your stupid kiss against my better judgment, and after I fell asleep in your arms by accident , I can't help but be a little offended to wake up and see you jumping out of bed to run into the bathroom to take a fucking shower like you were covered in shit."
Julian was beyond furious as he glowered at a now pale Aiden. He honestly couldn't even remember the last time when he was this pissed off.
"So what's your issue with me, Grayson?" Julian asked. "Do you feel
dirty now that you've kissed a man? Are you afraid that you'll catch what I have? Because news flash, Grayson, you can't catch homosexuality! It's not a fucking sickness!"
"It wasn't even like that! I-I didn't mean to offend you when I... Damn it , I was just really nervous, alright!? I didn't know what the fuck to do when I woke up to find my arms wrapped around you. I panicked! Honestly, I'm still a little bit confused about everything that's happened, so can you really stand here and bitch at me for waking up and freaking out? How about you try to put yourself in my fucking shoes before jumping down my throat and assuming the wrong things," Aiden spoke from the heart while his emotions got the best of him.
"I told you before that I'm not a bigot and I'll apologize, once again, if I offended you by doing what I did but I just needed to get away from you so that I could clear my head," Aiden went on. "I couldn't exactly think straight while I was... spooning you. And if you really must know, I didn't actually take a fucking shower. I just stood there thinking about everything that I...that we ...did."
After hearing where Aiden was coming from, Julian suddenly felt like a complete asshole for having snapped at him.
"Sorry for my crazy outburst," Julian whispered, embarrassed. "I'm willing to forget about everything that happened if you are. I mean, if that's what you really want."
If that's what you really want...
Julian's words rung loudly in Aiden's mind; so loud, in fact, that he actually had to take a minute to think about it and even ask himself if this was what he really wanted. Did he really want to forget about everything that had happened between him and Julian, in spite of how good it all felt?
Did he really want to move on from today as if none of it - the flirting, the kiss, the spooning - had ever occurred?
"I'm not sure what it is that you want me to say," Aiden replied in a soft tone while staring into Julian's dazzling brown eyes. His mouth was dry and his hands were trembling due to his adrenaline. "This is all so new to me, so different. I mean, I've never been with another...I've never
kissed a..." Aiden sighed. "Look, I'm sorry. I just can't think about this right now. I'm not-"
"I understand," Julian cut him off with a forced smile. He felt almost as uncomfortable as Aiden looked. "You don't have to explain anything to me. I get it."
Julian was telling the truth. He did get it, for the most part. He knew that this had to be a lot for Aiden to deal with, emotionally. After all, he just kissed another man when his whole life he'd only found himself attracted to women...until now, apparently. So understandably so, their kiss had flipped Aiden's entire world upside down and it made perfect sense for Aiden to be in total shock right now.
Besides, Julian should have known better.
He shouldn't have returned Aiden's kiss. He should have been smarter. He should have had better control over himself, but instead, he acted out recklessly. And now, in their own little way, both men had to deal with the mistakes that they've made tonight.
"I'll go and look into finding you a good private investigator," Julian spoke in a flat tone, an impassive look on his face. "If you need me, I'll be downstairs."
"Thanks," Aiden replied, but not fast enough because Julian hadn't heard him due to him already being halfway down the hallway. He walked off with such speed that within just a few seconds, he was completely out of Aiden's sight.
Fucking hell, Aiden thought. How are we going to get past this bullshit?
a/n: poor Aiden doesn't know what he wants anymore lol
your thoughts? what do you think should have happened?
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